1.  i will hit my head on the doorways of the car an average of 1.2 times per day.  this number will increase the closer i am to home.

2.  there is definitely a lower spot on the food chain for air supply's drummer vs. your average drummer.  there are nine tracks on their "greatest hits" album and, other than cymbal work, i noticed drums twice - the rising crescendo kind of drumming that every kid learns in elementary school band class.  the poor guy must have to agree to press the singers' jumpsuits just to earn himself a spot on the tour.

3.  it takes 55kms of driving to play air supply's "greatest hits" album all the way through.  it takes a further 700kms of power rock to forget that i did.

4.  one of blue moose's moose-sized mochas with extra syrup will keep me awake through a lot of things, but the 25-minute fraser gold rush video at the yale museum is not one of them.

(this is in no way to impune the yale museum or their video, but when you turn the lights down and hand us a cushion, after being on the road for nearly five hours...)

5.  an accident that shuts down an entire highway will not clear up in a minute.  not even twenty of them.

6.  the most popular guy at a highway closure is the one toting 32 leftover hotdogs from their company's charity hotdog sale.

7.  "slow to" signs are not for squeemish old ladies, as previously thought.  if i'm going to ignore them, it should not be while driving whipsaw hill.

8.  it takes exactly two meals of cold hotdogs to convince me to grocery shop.

9.  the guy who runs the campground i stayed at in osoyoos is a letch.

10.  may is not too early for mosquitoes.  or sunscreen.

11.  only an idiot re-pierces their ears and then sleeps on a lumpy cushion.

12.  no matter what i forget to pack, if i search long enough, i will find there is some left in the car from the last trip.  except toothpaste.  my next husband will not only know what kind of a dog cal worthington had, what his name was, any of call worthington's jingles and the speedy muffler king jingle, he will be the kind of guy who keeps spare toothpaste in the car.

13.  it's much harder to ignore the weight i've gained while giving myself a sponge bath.

14.  when looking like hell, putting on a rod stewart t-shirt will accomplish three very depressing things:
     (a) it will illustrate that i'm coming frighteningly close to being one bad bleach job away from looking just like him,
     (b) it will remind me that, although I considered the time i bought the t-shirt to be his "hot, for a really old guy" phase, he was only ten years older than i am now, and
     (c) it will remind me that i own a rod stewart t-shirt.  two, actually.

15.  a gate with no "keep out" sign is fair game.

16.  every once in awhile, the road most taken leads to the sight best seen.  but it's still more fun to get there the hard way.

17.  my dream house will cost me $72,000 and all prospects for earning a living.

18.  the amount of time it takes to get covered in soap is a variable, directly proportionate to the amount of shower-time i've purchased.

19.  the discomfort of sleeping in my car is outweighed by the joy of not having to pack up camp each morning.

20.  bring mittens.

21.  miss new denver should consider switching to a-lines.

22.  in 16 hours, you will run into everybody in new denver twice.  except the hot guy in the beat-up red pickup truck.  he's likely gone home to his equally hot (and probably pregnant) wife and their five little stair-steps.

23.  rest areas are not freeway exits, and i must stop trying to enter them at 90kms/hour.

24.  all of the campgrounds in salmon arm suck.  for the money, "hidden valley" sucks the least.

25.  salmon arm 18-year olds are still fun to flirt with, but much less likely to believe i'm 18 now than they were when i was 13.

26.  not only can i chop wood if i must, but i build a much better fire than my ex-husband.

27.  even the most enjoyable road trip can be improved by riding with a convoy of west coast amusements trucks.  especially the guys towing the bumble bee ride.

28.  a "minor construction delay" is exactly enough time to find, open and eat two jell-o pudding cups.

29.  if i happened to drive off the road on highway 5a, nobody would find me until the buzzards started bringing back body chunks.  this is beaten only by highway 8, where i could actually lie dead in the middle of the road for a week and still nobody would find me.

30.  so long as the highlight of my vacation is climbing a 60' slag heap to an abandoned smelter chimney, i'm going to stay a single girl!